I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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