3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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