...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
