She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
