he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't turn off my feet"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
