You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
