I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
