I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
