hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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