Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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