I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
