I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
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come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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