I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I supernannyed him into submission
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
