You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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