I bet he comes in French.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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