i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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