we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fuck appropriateness.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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