You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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