So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
