you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize