Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
