hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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