her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
