it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
