he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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