So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
