and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
