Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
