I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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