Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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