im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
