Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
