I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
