3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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