I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
