I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
