I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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