When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
