Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
