At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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