On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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