My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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