Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
