dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
