i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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