Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I need water and some morals
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
