i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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