Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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