So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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