Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
