I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
