his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
