when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
