So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
