I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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