Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
