Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
