Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
