You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
