I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
