We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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