I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
