there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
