You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
