I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
